no, not the soap opera...
When my brother was in high school, he pretty much ignored math. His grades slipped. It wasn't that he wasn't intelligent; rather, he had better things to do than mathematics. He spent most of his time after school tinkering around on the family computer.
My parents could have taken the computer away as punishment for not doing his homework or for poor grades. Instead, they recognized that his passion would become his livelihood. Amazingly, they allowed him to switch from public high school to a more flexible private school that enabled him to develop his talents.
Eventually, he built his own computer in his room. He started an electronics consulting business. He then started an internet company. He attended high school in the morning and ran his company in the afternoon and into the night.
I bet you can guess the rest: he is a very successful businessman who owns two computer companies. He's taken some college courses, usually online, simply for his own edification, but his career is solid. He could probably retire and he isn't even 30. But he doesn't want to retire, because computer science is his life.
Meanwhile, as readers of the Karianna Spectrum know, I have a seven year old son who has plenty of quirks, but plenty of talents, too.
Throughout the years, I've been criticized on my parenting and he's been chastised doubly-so. While I love my son, I've seen teachers, medical professionals, and the public at large look down on his quirky and sometimes disruptive behavior. He was asked to leave a preschool and then expelled from his first kindergarten, a private school that I thought would be flexible in the same way that my brother's high school had been so many years ago.
We've had many ups and downs in his short educational career. I see qualities that will make him go far when he is older, but it is difficult for him to conform to societal expectations of who a first-grader should be. The exact qualities that make "spirited" children such a "burden" to their teachers are the same qualities that will help them think outside the box and be true innovators in adulthood.
Knowing that I must keep in mind my son's strengths as others are more concerned about his weaknesses I was eager to read Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them by Jenifer Fox. I received this book free-for-review from the Parent Bloggers Network.
Last week The Parent Bloggers Network hosted a blog blast sponsored by Your Child's Strengths. My entry in this blog blast discussed my debate about whether to sign up my son for social skills camp (because he is considered deficient in social skills) or allow him to do a multitude of sports that he loves throughout the summer. As I wrote in that post: "Sure, the Cat probably needs some additional tutoring in some of the social convention that comes more naturally to "typical" kids. But when he plays soccer, he is a typical kid."
It may not surprise my audience to hear that Husband and I decided to have him do soccer, gymnastics, golf, and any other activity that he initiates over the summer. I would hope that Ms. Fox would agree!
Indeed, I found myself nodding immediately as I opened Your Child's Strengths. I dog-eared pages with information such as how the children who do best in certain classes simply happen to learn the same way as the instructor. I hadn't considered that in such a simple way, but it makes sense. Or how a blind person is disabled only in the seeing world: the book reads, "Somewhere along the line it was determined that if students don't perform at a high level in all content areas, the areas in which their performance is weak should deem them to be considered disabled." I couldn't agree more.
Alas, Ms. Fox says in her analysis of how kids labeled "learning disabled" simply have processing differences and differing talents, that this concept does not apply to autistic spectrum disorders. I disagree, as I believe that some of the same processing differences that might lead to a specific learning disability may also contribute to the ASD label. I think AD(H)D, sensory integration disorder, and the autistic spectrum disorders are all very linked and that kids given one label probably could qualify for a different label if the physician was biased in that other direction. For many of these kids, the label is not necessarily accurate, and is exacerbated by "traditional expectations."
Essentially, there is a cookie-cutter curriculum that is expected to be optimum for all kids. We all know that not all kids are the same. But instead of embracing the different types of learning styles, the educational system singles out kids who don't fit within the mold as being "deficient." Instead of celebrating their unique way of looking at the world, they are placed in special education. Educational professionals pat themselves on the back because they believe they are being thorough by identifying these "weaknesses," (which Your Child's Strengths calls "depletions") but instead, they perpetuate the feeling of failure that kids who have struggled feel. Perfectly intelligent, talented kids are told they aren't good enough.
Some opponents of a strength-based philosophy may say that kids will end up with overinflated egos, as if they are led to believe they can do no wrong; however, if everyone is focusing on everyone else's unique gifts, then we end up with a society of respect where people are not merely "tolerant" of other people's differences but are complimenting and complimentary with those talents.
Your Child's Strengths focuses on Activity Strengths, Learning Strengths, and Relationship Strengths. While the initial portion of the book is the philosophy behind the Strengths Movement, the latter part includes activities that parents and teachers can use to stimulate the recognition and development of personal strengths. There are many activities, and they are involved. However, as the book explains, if these were easy, we wouldn't need to do them!
I will be frank: I haven't yet done the exercises in the workbook. I want to. I really want to. But at this precise moment, we are in one of our "downswings" where my son is behaving in a way that is being criticized. In fact, we are meeting with the teacher this morning to "discuss" his recent behaviors. Of course, this means that it is very important for us to learn more about how to optimally address his strengths, but the logistics of doing the activities in a meaningful way while also trying to fit in the rest of the things in which we are falling behind is tricky. Fortunately, we have a spring break coming up, and hopefully the pendulum will swing in the other direction such that my son will be in his responsive, inquisitive, thoughtful mode such that the completion of these activities will be possible.
Even without having finished the actual exercises in Your Child's Strengths: Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them, I highly recommend it. The anecdotes and Jenifer Fox's reasons to support the "Strengths Movement" are encouraging. It gives me hope that I can nurture my son in a way that is productive instead of destructive.
