Junior high is a tough time. I don’t think anyone would deny that. The implications of the awkward onset of puberty and the questions of sexuality, changing bodies, and raging hormones continue onto high-school and college.
A few years before I got my period, my mom gave me a book by a rather conservative author. I don’t think she really recognized it for what it was: a condemnation of the female body and emphasis that sex was something done only when the husband wanted it done. I didn’t finish the book because I was in tears during the first couple chapters. My mom took it away, figured out what it really said, and threw it in the trash.
Alas, there was no replacement. I learned things only via the rather dry biological descriptions in sex-ed, but didn’t get the real scoop on what “everyone else” was doing. What is really normal for a teenager: in looks, in function, in level of “experience” in the sexual arena?
Twenty years later, I received a free-for-review copy of Girlology: Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out via the Parent Bloggers Network.
But Kari, you have sons!
Yes, I have sons. But, I wanted to review this book in part to know what I missed. I was curious about what issues teens face today, and how they are similar or different to the questions I had way-back-when. Plus, this book may come in handy for my sons to understand girls a bit better.
Honestly? There were some subtle things in this book that I didn’t know.
I have plenty of female-issue mishaps in my past. I had a day when I leaked all over my mint green Esprit pants. And I was accused of stuffing my bra more than once (nope, just an early developer.) I got my period on my eighth grade graduation party field trip even though I had finished a long period a week prior; the room parents on the trip chastised me for not being protected and couldn’t understand why I was in the fetal position in pain instead of gleefully enjoying the water slides as my classmates were.
When I went to a gynecologist to help with the menstrual discomfort, I was shamed because she insisted that the pelvic exam she performed on me was “just slightly uncomfortable” as I moaned in pain and hot tears streamed down my face. She kept asking me if I was sexually active or had intercourse before. She didn’t believe me when I said “no.”
Certainly, these issues were emotionally charged for me, as no doubt they are for many pre-teens, teenagers, and even some young adults.
Girlology is written by two female doctors in a chatty tone. At times, I found the perkiness a bit off-putting, but I need to remember I am in my thirties. I didn’t like the “Oh! Is that too much information?” and similar statements put after a series of technical terms. I think their readers can handle the science and “real names” for things. All the same, I appreciated that things were kept fairly simple in the way of explanations. “Quickie Answers” summarized what the readers need to know, and “The Full Scoop” went into more detail. “Myth Busters” gave information debunking common misconceptions. “Think it Through” showed little handwritten flow-charts of information with possible outcomes for various scenarios and choices introduced in “She Did What!?” the real-life dilemmas that introduce each chapter.
This isn’t a biology textbook. There are no charts of the ebb and flow of various hormones that make up a menstrual cycle. The book captures and holds attention rather than spouting boring, confusing “PC” version of sex-ed. This book answers the nitty-gritty questions that may be sparked by the “facts” in those sex-ed classes like “Can I get pregnant while I am having my period?” “What if I have an irregular period?” and “What happens if I miss a [birth control] pill?”
There are also topics covered in this book such as pubic-hair grooming (does everyone have a Brazilian?) and breast-size issues. Many of these things aren’t talked about freely, so having a place to look up those secret questions without causing oneself embarrassment that they are “the only one” who doesn’t know the answer is valuable.
The majority of the book focuses on issues of self-respect, understanding emotional intimacy, and thinking over the power that any type of sexual activity can exert. This book is not a religiously-based plea for abstinence, but rather is a well-worded way of looking at the challenges, benefits, rewards, and risks that come with sexual activity. The authors refer to a “personal code of ethics.” There are many excellent things to think about, and real-life scenarios put the theory behind the brainstorming into practical examples.
Hopefully, a young reader of this book will think seriously about what she hopes to get out of sex and when the appropriate time to become active will be for her. Plenty of information about birth control, STDs, and the emotional impact of sex is discussed in this book. Whether or not a reader is having sex, there is wonderful information available in this book. Neither “side” will feel left out or “abnormal.” Rather, no matter the virginity-status (or “technical-virginity” status) of the reader, she is given thought-provoking questions that will benefit her current and future relationship with her body and partner(s).
Although it mentioned a lesbian sex scene once, there was no real series of questions pertaining to sexual-orientation or experimentation. I would have liked that topic covered since I think many girls have questions about that.
In this “digital age” there are more concerns with privacy and longevity of information (sex tapes on YouTube, anyone?), but thankfully the internet is a big benefit to the readers of Girlology. The authors emphasize that the website
Girlology.com is a place for readers to ask and read the answers to questions that were not covered in the book. This freedom is amazing! No more does a confused girl fear asking her mom about something sensitive or fear “outing” herself as someone clueless if she asks a friend.
Girlology Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out
But will teenagers trust the authors? Or think that they are “just other uncool adults” trying to play games with their heads? I think the manner in which this book is given to girls would say a lot. But if you have a pre-teen or teenager, consider sticking it under her pillow.
Pick up Girlology Hang-Ups, Hook-Ups, and Holding Out: Stuff You Need to Know About Your Body, Sex, & Dating
Comments (1)
Nice review. My little girl is only 6, but I'll have to pick up this book so I can be ready for the dreaded talk with her.
Posted by Wanda | August 29, 2007 8:10 AM
Posted on August 29, 2007 08:10