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Silent.

I've been really silent here.

It isn't that I don't have much to say - it is more that I don't have ownership of the tales I wish to tell. Or, things require so much back-story that an inside joke isn't worth telling. We all have these surreal moments when we simultaneously think, "Wow, what will people think of that?" and yet "But this is so cool I have to keep it to myself." Sometimes an event is so traumatic or exhilarating or fantastic that it becomes something personal known only to those closest to those who experienced it.

Back in 1988 I took a horseback ride up Mt. Warning in Australia. I saw the most beautiful sunset I've ever experienced, but unfortunately I didn't have my camera. At the time, my stomach was filled with rocks for forgetting the camera. But later I realized that my camera couldn't have captured the true beauty of the moment anyway, so it is better to keep the memory locked inside me. I guess I feel that way about some experiences I've had recently: any retelling of such event is going to be flawed. I don't want an inauthentic record of something to be public knowledge. It feels wrong.

And then there are those things that are frightening. A couple years ago, I wrote about a bizarre encounter I had. Unfortunately, I had to pull the post, because things got even more convoluted. And of course, I so desperately wish I could have shared those wacky twists! But, I wasn't going to put anyone in an awkward position in their "real" lives just for a good online story. One thing I can share: two people recently caused problems for folks close to us, and by complete chance they have the same unusual name, and did similar things, even though they are in no way related to each other or acquainted with each other. Freaky!

Just in the last couple weeks, I've had things that have brought me great joy, furious anger, and panicked fear. I suppose feeling something is better than experiencing nothing at all, but roller-coasters can make you vomit if you ride them too long.

I want to hit the "pause" button to process things before I fall behind.

I want to cry for no reason other than to just "release everything."

I want to tell fantastic tales that nobody would believe.

But instead, I stay silent.

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