You see, I was an eager, naive young student who worked hard. I made frugal choices, like forgoing the purchase of a CD player, instead lugging across the country a boombox that I got from Santa in the third grade to use for my music. (I didn't purchase artists' tapes either; I bought blank tapes and recorded my favorite songs off the radio.) I studied instead of going on ski trips or any such "luxury." That said, I still had a social life, but only in college. High school was strictly for hitting the books. In fact, I stopped dancing as a junior because I wanted to devote my free time to getting into a good college. What a mistake!

(Later, I saved money by attending lectures where there was free pizza. Gee, stopping exercise because it was a "distraction" from studying and eating junk food because it was financially the smarter choice - what a wonder I gained weight! But if you are afraid of debt so cannot spend the money to eat properly and need every spare moment to stay competitive, you do what you have to do, even if it is the worst-possible choice long-term. Because yes, obviously being unhealthy is more expensive long-term. I wish I could have trusted that going into debt probably would have been a better idea than avoiding it at all costs.)

I was very cautious. I studied hard. I was seen as being too frugal and too serious. But, I figured that this would pay off. Literally.

That seems to be the assumption of those lauding this mythical college student. They believe that hard work automatically leads to financial success. They also believe the flip side: that any financial difficulty is a result of "poor choices."

But it was my classmates who partied who developed networking connections to later earn them high-paying jobs. And it was those who took on the "good debt" of graduate school loans who were able to pursue their dream jobs. (Some would leverage themselves; why pay for grad school outright when you could invest the money you had at a higher return than the tax-write-off interest rate for borrowing money?)

Instead of following my dreams, I went to grad school for what I was 'good at' because it earned me a full-ride. I was petrified of debt, period. So yes, I was debt-free, but I didn't have a career that I wanted.

I was ABD ("all but dissertation") towards a Ph.D. at Cornell when I made the calculated but still difficult decision to drop out of the program. I just couldn't see myself working towards a career I disliked simply to have that lauded title of "Doctor." (Earlier in my graduate training, I was offered a chance to go for a combined M.D./Ph.D. People who believe our worth as humans is based on pieces of paper thought I was absolutely nuts for not wanting to do this.)

One mean-spirited person laughed, "I knew you couldn't handle it!" when she learned that I decided to leave with "just" a Masters of Medicine. But does not being able to handle it mean earning high-honors at an Ivy-league institution?

This reminds me of a piece in Newsweek many years ago written by a Harvard grad who expressed frustration that people constantly wondered why she "thew away" her education by becoming a public school teacher. Her response: "Who else would you have teaching your children?"

And then there is the scared young high-schooler whose mother hid behind a dumpster as I interviewed him for Brown. (I swear she was trying to give him hand signals to coach him.) He whispered to me how if he didn't go to an Ivy-league school, he would bring shame upon his family. But he admitted he didn't want that life. I bet if he follows his dreams instead of his mother's, he'll be more fulfilled than someone who boxes themselves into what is "expected" just to earn that elusive title of "Success."

(If you are keeping score: Yes, I have two Ivy-league degrees. I went to Brown University for undergrad, Weill Medical College of Cornell University for grad, and did research at Harvard Medical School, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, and Columbia University, among other rather well-known institutions. But I am a "failure" - remember that.)

People who study hard and make frugal choices are certainly smart. I don't deny that. I certainly don't advocate blowing wads of cash and going deep into debt just to live life to the fullest. But assuming that hard work automatically creates success is a mistake. It is a huge slap in the face to those who have done everything "right" and yet still find themselves struggling.

I know that I am lucky, although not wealthy. But I also see how those people who made different, less "practical" choices are those who are the 1%. Those who took risks and thought outside the box were rewarded. These same risks could be seen as "bad decisions" by someone else, particularly if they don't end in financial glory. Many of my family and friends are very wealthy. In comparison to them, I am a "failure."

And then I have those friends who have a perfect work ethic and spend not a dime beyond what is necessary, but they lost their job, or suffered a fire, or had a premature child who needed more intervention than medical insurance would pay for. I have friends who have tried their hardest, but they continue to fall into a hole.

Life is not so cut and dried to expect that being earnest and hard-working is all it takes to have a perfect life.

And even for those who might find success in ways as others define it may not be happy. After all, not everyone wants to be a zookeeper, nor can everyone afford it.