I glance at the clock: 8:40am. Only ten minutes have passed since the bell rang. Surely I can get him his violin in time!

I approach the school office at 8:45am, looking sheepish as I hold my son's violin and a tote bag with his music books.

The secretary gives a knowing smile. She laughs, "A bunch of kids have been panicking all morning, asking if they can phone home because of their forgotten instruments. But I won't let them." She shrugs her shoulders. "Does he know to pick it up here?"

I explain that no, he doesn't know to pick it up here, so could you pretty-please let him know?

"If I remember," she responds, sounding awfully like the evil stepmother in Cinderella as she tells her slave that she can go to the ball if she finishes all her chores.

I leave the school, not so confident. I park in front of the exercise studio, then whip out my phone to email my son's teacher. "Would you please tell him his violin is in the front office?"

I figure at the least the teacher will check his email during snack break. When it is time for music, perhaps he'll tell my son to go pick up his instrument.

I was wrong.

Clearly the secretary didn't inform my son, but neither did his teacher. The teacher didn't even write back to say "Nope, I don't do reminders" or whatever the reason for not telling him might have been.

I know some schools have a strict "no drop off" policy. Ours is not one, or at least I have not seen such a policy in writing, even if the events of today lead me to believe there might be one. (And yet, why the call when my son forgot his lunch?)

I get it. Really, I do. It doesn't make sense for the front office to constantly interrupt learning time with announcements that Suzy forgot her lunch, Ralph forgot his homework, and Zoe forgot her flute.

But...

I think there is a difference between forgotten homework and forgotten lunch. The former is a question of "credit" whereas the latter is a question of actually fueling the kid for optimum learning later in the day. And there are shades of gray for homework as well: if the homework is a gargantuan project that took several weeks, that is more valuable than a quick math page.

And a musical instrument on the very first day of music class when the rental agreements are being finalized is rather different than a mid-year practice session. (And trumping it all would be a performance day!)

Not only did my son lose a day of music instruction today, but the lack of the violin created a situation that might have financial consequences. (I've sent out an email hoping that I can do a two-day rental to bridge the gap between the old rental and the new. Otherwise I'll have to pay for at least an extra day - and perhaps a whole month - to hold on to the old instrument.)

Had the secretary held all announcements until snack recess (which is before music instruction and of course before lunch) she could have said, "Henry, Renee, Ralph, Eric, Sam, Trista, and Horton, come to the office!" Bingo, no instruction time lost, and whoever had missing whatevers could get them.

Yes, I know they want to instill responsibility in the kids. That is why I've never brought forgotten homework to school.

But in the "real world" people have cell phones and email. If a colleague forgets an important project on his desk, unless I'm horrifically evil, I'd call him up so he can turn back before the client presentation. Conceivably, we'd all be on the same "team" and would want to make sure our company succeeded, just as I'd think that the people who work at a school would want the kids to succeed, so wouldn't withhold lunch or a tool/instrument they needed for instruction.

(Two years ago I worked in my son's classroom on the last day before winter break. I stayed behind after the bell to help clean up. I saw one of my son's classmates had left a book behind that she'd need during break to complete a rather major assignment. The teacher - who typically had a strict "no save" policy - told me to go ahead and deliver the book to the girl. The consequences would have been too great for her not to be able to work on the project for three weeks. Even tough policies can have exceptions!)

Unlike the real world where last-minute communication can flow, parents can't contact their kids during school, so even if we have information to give to our kids, it has to come from someone at the school. Yeah, some kids have cell phones, but they are supposed to be turned off during the day. (I'm tempted to get my son one and tell him to check it for texts during snack and lunch, but that might backfire.)

Except... I'm willing to bet that the everyday helicopter parents would simply barge right into a classroom; I've seen it happen, especially with returning overdue library books so their dears can check out a new one. (I don't do that. If they miss turning it in, they need to remember it the next day if they want to check out a new book!)

Had I decided to really just disregard the whole learning atmosphere, I could have opened the classroom door to announce the arrival of the violin. Behaving badly could have saved me some trouble, that is for sure. (One friend suggested next time I say I need to speak to my son for medical reasons. Does the school really want people to go down this dishonest track?)

I can see both sides on this one, and can definitely see shades of gray. I suppose that is why some schools have black and white policies on this sort of thing, to take out the guesswork. But I remain conflicted, especially since I know there are parents breaking the rules. Wish I would have been one of them today instead of trying to do it through the "proper" - but ultimately ineffective - channels.