This summer has been heavy-hitting when it comes to recognizing my own mortality, how I'm suddenly an "adult" (see, I still have to put it in quotes!) and how quickly my kids are growing.
Three years ago we moved to our current home. The Cat was starting first grade. Now it is Spliggle - my "baby" - starting first grade. Meanwhile, the Cat will be an "upperclassman" when school starts in a month. Watching them swim, play, and otherwise interact with the world, I'm stricken with just how "big" they are now. We have conversations about topics where I don't immediately have the answer. Both boys come up with sophisticated ideas just as often as they make me roll my eyes with their fleeting common sense.
I've been doing a bunch of cleaning and sorting recently. My grandmother died last week, and so while going through her belongings I've come across things - pictures, trinkets, memories - that I had forgotten about. (And then there are the things I didn't know existed, like my grandmother's high school report card and graduation program that shows she was the valedictorian! Of course, it is just her humble personality that she would never mention this to us. Bless her incredible soul!) Of course, these objects and images take me back, and bring tears as I realize just how quickly time passes.
Meanwhile, as the boys' interests change, they've outgrown toys that are now being donated to younger kids. You better believe I cried my eyes out at Toy Story 3 when we saw it a couple weeks ago.
And yesterday, the boys and I went to see a stage production of Peter Pan. Of course it is a whimsical experience, but I couldn't help seeing the story through adult eyes, and tearing up a bit at the end. I really wish I could be so carefree and creative as to stage a battle against pirates, envision mermaids, or fly with fairies. And I wish that I could dig my heels in and pout when things go wrong. But responsibility towers tall. Unfortunately, 2010 has been a year of "shame" for many reasons, a year where I try to catch up, but end up deep in a hole, struggling to get out. I know many mothers feel this way: we are reprimanded for our shortcomings while our accomplishments go unnoticed.
On the flip side, I've seen great growth in my children, and their particular interests and education are well-supported. I'm pleased that the quality of their life is strong right now, even if they both occasionally dole out eye rolls and teenage-type moans of "nobody loves me!" (Fortunately, they haven't yet actually said the words, "I hate you, Mom." ... yet.)
Sure, growing up has its "benefits," but I really don't want to. I want to go back to breakfast at Grandma's with her delicious cinnamon rolls, even if she'd always make me drink my grapefruit juice before eating my cereal. Sour-tasting milk, ahoy!
But... we move on. We change our surroundings, participate in new activities, and find new ways of celebrating family. I just can't promise that I won't cry at every milestone.
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Disclaimer: We paid for our tickets to see Toy Story 3 all on our own - this post is not any sort of endorsement or advertisement for them. Peter Pan PR provided us tickets to Peter Pan, and I have written about the show on my review blog, Spectrum of Reviews.
Comments (3)
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma...but what a lovely post.
Posted by Mayberry | July 22, 2010 7:35 PM
Posted on July 22, 2010 19:35
Are those comment spam? Because I didn't see you talk about boots anywhere.
Posted by Jennifer | July 27, 2010 6:57 AM
Posted on July 27, 2010 06:57
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma. How sweet (and bittersweet) to find out things you never knew, like her having been valedictorian!
I, too, cried at the end of Toy Story 3. DuckyBoy doesn't want to grow up ... and I'm with you -- sometimes, neither do I.
So... to go with the flow of these comments ... New shoes for BlogHer this year?
Posted by janny226 | July 28, 2010 5:59 AM
Posted on July 28, 2010 05:59