Right before I graduated from high school, a friend laughed and said the one word to accurately describe me is "earnest." I initially bristled, but then realized he was - and still is - correct.
Years later, a different friend asked me to choose between being well liked or being well respected. At the time, I picked "well respected," but that answer now repels me. I realize that to be well liked is much more important, even in the professional world. After all, life is a social game.
Yet another handful of years later, fellow playgroup moms looked at me quizzically when I brought up my former dance "career." (I swear it wasn't out of the blue; it was within the context of the conversation.) "We could never picture you as a dancer," they commented. It reminded me of how some junior high folks were shocked when they found out I was heading the "spirit club" at our high school. ("Like cheerleaders? You?")
And then a few weeks ago, a friend described me as "studious."
Sigh.
Even my parents say that I speak "too formally," which is funny because I was marked down during a music class in college for writing "too colloquially." My efforts to be a bit more "age-appropriate" had backfired. Even if I try to sound playful, it is almost forced.
I try. Hard. In other words, I'm earnest.
Groan.
I keep in mind my own quirks as I see how my children are perceived. I see how something another child does is completely age-appropriate and fine, or perhaps even "cool," but if the Cat tries it, he gets into trouble. That one little beat "off" changes the perception of the whole situation. It is tough for me to both address what another parent saw as being "wrong" while still trying to encourage my child to jump into the social fray. I don't want him to be lonely like I so often was, yet if he is taught exact social schemas it might seem forced, too earnest, and therefore no longer peer-relatable. (Besides, who am I to attempt to teach social schemas when I'm no expert!?)
If you try too hard, you fail.
Comments (1)
Ahh, what a touching post. It's sad that not only do people have different standards. What I also saw in school was children were basically pidgeon holed from the get go. I was seen as smart, so even when I didn't do so well on a test I got a decent grade. My brother was seen as a bit of a trouble maker, so never given the benefit of the doubt.
I see that in my husband now...when he is "direct" it's seen as a bit intimidating, causing problems. I can yell at work and doubt anyone would take me all that seriously.
I used to want to be liked, now I'd actually prefer to be respected, but I find I can tell less and less what people think of me.
Good luck to you and your truly awesome children.
Posted by Nicole Pelton | June 24, 2010 3:36 PM
Posted on June 24, 2010 15:36