Of course I understand what those adults meant. After all, being “tied” to children definitely takes away the “freedom” that college kids have. For those with a paying job, reporting to one’s boss takes away the “freedom” that college kids have to skip a class on a whim. Being in school means having the opportunity to go into any career possible, to make decisions that could lead to further exciting choices.

But those decisions are the antithesis of freedom.

If I could return to college now, I would have more freedom than I did before. This is because I have learned that committing to scientific research was a mistake. I learned that what I studied for nine years would be for naught. In other words, I would know that even trying to “pick something” and stay on the straight and narrow would not guarantee success. I won’t say I “failed” because although I sometimes feel that way, it wasn’t a “failure” to pick neuroscience as much as it was an innocent mistaken choice. It was the wrong choice, but not in the way that partying too much, drugs, and alcohol overindulgence are “poor choices.”

If I could return to college now, I could enjoy my classes. Instead of being so afraid of picking a major and being dedicated to it, I could take a variety of classes and really figure out what made me happy. Instead of trying to be responsible, I could be adventurous.

But I have the luxury of hindsight. I know that I eventually get married and have kids. I know that I end up having food and shelter. But my college-self doesn’t know that. The person studying in the Science Library doesn’t know if she will ever find love. She doesn’t know if anyone will want to hire her, or whether she’ll end up having to move back home. She doesn’t know what will prove to be most important to her: family, career, or money. All she knows is that she has to succeed at something. What is the meaning of life? Who knows, but my college self wants to excel at it.

I don’t think that the college years are the best years of one’s life. I think that the opportunities that they present and the ability to be “free” without familial responsibilities can be enlightening, but it can also be constricting. I think that the college years and what they provide would definitely be empowering to someone who has made mistakes and can take advantage of choices that a college student’s life allows without being burdened by those choices.

Essentially, the college years could be the best years of one’s life if lived by someone who had already graduated!

Along those same lines, I haven’t forgotten what it felt like to be a child. Sure, I didn’t have much responsibility, but I wanted respect and freedom. With freedom come the choices and the responsibility. College is the precise intersection of these which is why it can be so wonderful and so horrible all at once.

I do wish I could talk to my college self studying in the Science Library and tell her to just chill: to sit back a little and enjoy the view. But I know it wouldn’t matter. She is too dedicated and serious at age 22.

Happy Birthday to me. I am now 32. :)