« Fall/Winter 05-6 : Game Two Recap | Main | Who Knew Shakes Improve One's Shot? »
October 04, 2005
The Platinum Poo Award for Bad Parenting
My head is spinning, I want to curl up and sleep, but it is only 5:30. Plus, I have hockey practice in three hours, so it isn’t yet time to sleep.
Today was one of those days where tons of things went wrong, but nothing truly horrible happened in that nobody died or got mauled. Rather, it will go down as one of those “remember when…” tales that will result in peals of laughter later. But now is not later.
This morning, Spliggle was particularly stinky. He had one of those mushy pastel yellow poos that are difficult to wipe off because they are equal parts solid and liquid. During that diaper change, he put his hands down there in the midst of wiping. I grabbed his hands and cleaned them off, then later washed them more thoroughly once his pants were back on.
But he still stank. Time and again, I would check his rear and discover nothing. I would inspect each hand and sniff. I whiffed his head. I cuddled him, but couldn’t figure out from where the smell was originating.
Meanwhile, the Cat had a raucous day: loud meowing, high pitched squeals, rambunctious playing while I was on the phone, pushing his brother, and whining. At one point, I spanked him and it ended up harder than I would have wanted. (I usually don’t spank, honest.) I don’t even remember why he was being punished.
The Cat was following me around and squawking. I was feeling frazzled. I wasn’t able to concentrate on anything, and Spliggle still stunk, so I figured it would be a nice opportunity to draw a bath. I brought Splig upstairs (leaving the gate latched) and closed the bathroom door behind us. I should have locked it, because I knew the Cat would decide to follow us. He has gotten good at jumping over the stair gate.
As I undressed Splig for the bath, I was surprised to see another round of pastel poo (I had checked just moments before!). I grabbed some toilet paper and tried to wipe while keeping the diaper away from Spliggle’s busy hands. I moved the diaper over, just as the Cat burst into the bathroom. To protect myself and Splig from the oncoming Cat, I put one arm up, accidentally tipping Spliggle face-first into the messy diaper that had somehow opened up.
Spliggle’s face was covered in poo. Surprisingly, he was smiling.
Horrified, I grabbed more toilet paper and wiped off as much of the poo as possible, then wiped the butt-area. I wiped and wiped as quickly as I could, then stuck him in the full bubble bath. (Meanwhile, the Cat was dancing around us, making it particularly tough to wipe.)
I grabbed a washcloth, doused it in soap, and started to wipe Splig’s face vigorously. I realized a moment too late that I had grabbed peppermint hand soap, not the baby-tears-free soap.
Peppermint stings.
So now the poor little guy had burning eyes, not just poopy eyes.
And the Cat was yelling that he wanted to go in the bath. And why is Splig crying? And is that my soap? Is that poo? Where is the boat? Why can’t I go in the bath tub yet? You’re real mean, Mommy.
I sent the Cat to his room, cleaned up Splig, and dressed my poor baby in pajamas. He is now cuddling up to his daddy, smiling and safe. Understandably, he has been hesitant to approach me.
I am just glad I wasn’t in labor while two of my kids were being stung by wasps. That definitely trumps my poo parade.
Posted by karianna at October 4, 2005 05:59 PM
Comments
omg, that all just stinks.
Posted by: JJ at October 4, 2005 07:17 PM
holy mother of all things wretched. big props to you that no one ended up mauled ;)
i have the tiniest suggestion, because i'm like that. it seems that spanking the Cat upset you which i get. i'm nowhere near that point with Rio cuz she's just not mobile enough to be difficult yet so this suggestion is in the realm of past experience which may or may not be relevant. enough disclaimers? then i proceed...
i have found that verbalization takes the sting out of whatever you're feeling. Mad? say so. Jealous (this is where the past experience came from) say 'i'm so jealous!'. all of the sudden it doesn't just sit inside of you eating eating eating away at you. tell the Cat 'i'm getting really frustrated and your actions right now are making me crazy. go play cars or count to 50 s.l.o.w.l.y....' or something like that. it *might* work and it would definitely give you a few minutes between the spike of frazzleness and action....
but really .. what a day :(
Posted by: nita at October 5, 2005 06:47 AM
Hey Nita! Yeah, I do verbalize: "Cat, I am very angry right now because you hit your brother. It is not nice to hit your brother," etc. It is a string of this sort of thing that eventually leads to something like a swat on the rear.
I knew I shouldn't have mentioned spanking in the post because there is great debate about how and when and why to do such a thing. I could write a tremendously long response in which I explain how I am so against it, and yet why I see the need to do it once in awhile.
Punishment of children is a very difficult issue!
Posted by: Kari at October 5, 2005 07:38 AM
I'm not criticizing! I think you do an amazing job and I mean that deep in my heart. And I do agree that there are times when that is what it takes to bring the situation under control.
That said, the Universe gives you what you can handle. You got a handful and I got a kid that is totally lowkey. I wonder what *that* says....??!!
Posted by: nita at October 5, 2005 08:32 AM
Oh. My. God. That little face in the poo diaper! AAGH!!! I laughed and wanted to cry at the same time.
I hope today is a better day for everyone.
Can you call a sitter and take a few moments for yourself? I think you could use it!
Posted by: Meghan at October 5, 2005 09:37 AM
Oh poor poor poor Spliggle. Oh my goodness. A face full of poop. And then peppermint soap. What a day.
And to have this followed by hockey practice and the cheeseburger comment. What a day.
Posted by: Julie at October 5, 2005 08:03 PM