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August 23, 2005
Mortifying Moments
The Cat has a treasured rainbow blanket that he calls, “Fphlanket,” “Fphlankie,” and sometimes “Cat.” When the Cat is in public, we ask that he not be a cat. So he transfers this property on to his blanket, a tactic that works fairly well, particularly when “Fphlankie” guards the car such that we have a boy without a blanket in public.
But the list of his affectionate terms goes on to include “Dark” and (shudder) “Darkie.” His explanation is that his fphlanket is “Darkie the cat,” so all terms apply. My husband and I have tried to explain that while he can call his blanket most of those terms, “Darkie” should be off-limits. But he doesn’t understand, and of course asking a four year old not to say something solidifies that they will use that term preferentially. We have tried substituting other names, like “Rainbow,” but without success.
During a shopping trip, the Cat insisted on bringing his blanket with us to the store. He sat in the cart, cuddling with the blanket. When we went to check out, he snuggled lovingly into the unraveling knit, moaning, “Oh, Darkie!” while looking straight at our African-American Check-Out-Lady.
I could only mumble a feeble, “Please don’t call your blanket Darkie,” while my face turned crimson.
On another occasion, he had looked directly at the African-American Check-Out-Lady saying, “His face is dirty!”
Again, I was essentially speechless, stating quietly but firmly, “No. Her skin is darker than yours, but she isn’t dirty.” By that point, I was a very dark red.
When the Cat is excited, he tends to exclaim, “Darkie! Dark! Heheheheh!” even if the blanket is not around. Perhaps he is transferring the blanket’s “catness” back on himself and therefore he gives himself the same name.
I must admit that I am on edge when he starts these proclamations in public.
Posted by karianna at August 23, 2005 02:59 PM
Comments
my parents gave me a black babydoll, back in the day. we were sitting at an ice cream shop counter and a black man walked in and i started madly scrambling in my bag. mother, horrified, realized what was about to ensue...
"Look! Chocolat's daddy!"
yeah. good luck with that ;)
Posted by: nita at August 24, 2005 04:19 AM
Oh, dear! How painfully funny! My sister's friend, at age four, was in the supermarket with her mom when suddenly she pointed at a customer and gleefully announced, "Look, Mommy, a chocolate lady!" (Obviously we grew up in a rather homogeneous neighborhood.)
Posted by: Jen at August 24, 2005 06:00 PM
Maybe you should get the Jeffersons Complete 1st Season DVD, or at Good Times. "Dy-No-Miiiiite!"
Seriously, as a brown person that's been called everything under the sun by people of all ages, we give the kiddies the benefit of the doubt; If you act nervous it seems like it's something they learned from you. I wouldn't sweat it, but we're watchin' you, cracker!
Posted by: Prego at August 24, 2005 08:31 PM
Yeah, I have to just chill. But I was afraid that if I wasn't uncomfortable with the comment, it would appear that I had been behind it. We live in a fairly diverse area, so as we meet people outside of our family and when he goes to school, he will understand that people come in all different shapes, sizes, and hues.
Posted by: Kari at August 24, 2005 08:48 PM
Yeah... My wife is getting angry at me because my four year-old has taken to calling anybody with long hair a "hessian" or "hesher." God only knows where he picked that one up. ;-)
Posted by: Prego at August 24, 2005 09:14 PM
Huh, hadn't heard those before!
Once when I was dating a Jewish man, someone threw a penny at us. I didn't know what that "meant," so I picked it up. Ugh! The horror! I just thought it was a lucky penny falling from the sky.
Naïveté, indeed.
Posted by: Kari at August 24, 2005 10:02 PM
Prego, thanks for verifying my assumption - which is that kids are given the benefit of the doubt.
And Kari, I have never heard anyone use the term "darkie" in actual conversation - only in books. I don't think it would have even occurred to me that it was a racial slur.
And I'm so with you on leaving the security object in the car (if it comes along at all). We left Tacy's beloved Lambie at a car dealership once, and it was a week before we made it back there to retrieve it. That was one tough week at our house.
Posted by: Julie at August 25, 2005 10:30 AM
That's not to say I haven't seen some ugliness, too, Julie. "I can't play with you because you're brown," was my all-time favourite.
Posted by: Prego at August 26, 2005 07:51 AM