July 31, 2005
Deflation
I must admit that I was reluctant to get out of bed this morning. Sunday mornings are fantastic for sleeping in anyway, but today I was particularly bed bound because I didn’t want to accept that the conference was over. For some of my newfound friends, they still had a going-home brunch. But since I live within driving distance, I didn’t get a hotel. I should have: people met each other at the dinner the night before and bonded well. Then I could have stayed at the cocktail hour longer, gone to dinner, and gone to brunch. The day went by way too quickly, and so I regret not spending more time with these wonderful women.
I have been logging into Bloglines every fifteen minutes or so, hoping to see updates from the gals I met. My feet are on Beth’s Blog! There is a picture of me on the Mommy Blog at the opening session! There is “proof” I was there.
Still, it seems as though it was a dream.
I am definitely crashing. The extreme excitement of yesterday has been replaced by that stony stomach realization that it is over.
And then the regrets begin: Gosh, wish I had gotten a hotel room. Golly, it would have been nice to go to the pre-dinner kickoff. Wow, it would have been cool to stay at the Yahoo! Cocktail and Appetizer show later. Wish I could have gone to brunch the next morning. But most importantly – Why the hell was I so shy?
This was my chance, and I blew it!
Instead of confidently introducing myself, I kinda sided up to people and tried to jump into the conversation. Once I went up to Mrs. Kennedy, who was with a group of women, and said something like, “Oh, you gals aren’t attending one of the talks right now?” and then I ran away, worried that I had spoken out of turn. I’m sorry.
So instead of saying, “Hi, my name is Kari.” I stared at Maggie’s pants, thinking, “Wow, those are cool pants. She is so pretty. She is so cool.” During lunch, Heather Armstrong’s elbow was over my plate of salad, but I was too chicken to say anything. I mean, hey, I get to stare at Dooce’s elbow! Instead, I flapped my arms imitating a flying roller coaster as my first attempt to converse with her. Then later, I said, “So it doesn’t lose suction?” when she mentioned loving her Dyson*. What a fool I am. Sweetney was next to me, but I was too shy to mention to her how I liked her piece on magnetic car ribbons. Alice of finslippy was there, but I misheard, writing “Alice = Fence Libby” in my Treo. Although a cool name in and of itself, the mispronunciation shows I have a hearing problem. I stared at Mrs. Kennedy thinking “Wow. Cool Shirt. I want one. Love your blog!” But nothing came out of my mouth. Thank goodness I had met Jen earlier in the morning when I was a tad more confident. I even got a hug from her, and thinking about it makes me tear up. I had been reading her thoughts on a daily basis for over a year, and there she was as an actual person!
There are so many wonderful women who I met yesterday. And of course I will you all to my blogroll (once I get it set up, that is.) Instead of lifting the BlogHerRoll, I decided that I will start out “small” adding only the people I had some sort of contact with initially, and then I will branch out.
Anyway, thank you all for a good time. I promise to be more social at BlogHer II, whenever that might be!
*= I once made a table full of people laugh when I imitated the Dyson guy. My cousin mentioned he had gotten one, and I mocked the accent, saying, “Your vacuum is not hopelessly clogged?” It worked perfectly that day. But wit from me at Dooce’s Dyson Discussion was not meant to be.
Technorati: dailyblogher , BlogHer , Bloghercon
Posted by karianna at 09:35 AM | Comments (3)
July 30, 2005
Walking Toys
I’ve always been a nail biter. But for the last couple years, I’ve done pretty well at keeping my nails out of my mouth. Unfortunately, that ended this morning. Fortunately, it was for a good cause.
I went to the BlogHer conference and was inspired and stunned. I had been thinking about having my own blog for awhile, and knew I would be motivated by the conference, but dramatically underestimated the power the discussions would have in stirring my thoughts. The “stunned” portion is a star-struck awe that many of the bloghers that I read on a daily basis were standing in front of me. I was tongue-tied. I bit my nails. Every time I think about how I actually met some people that were “famous,” my hands travel to my mouth. I was a nervous junior-high school student again: feeling awkward, ugly, and inarticulate.
On one hand, these bloghers were people that I had invited into my home via the computer, so I was pretty “familiar” with them. But since I was a reader without my own forum, they knew nothing of me. As a result, seeing them in person was a mix of strange emotions.
I felt as though I “knew” them since I had read their thoughts for an average of a year or more. So “small talk” was stunted because I knew a great deal about them. Yet I didn’t want to be rude by just staring and expecting them to entertain me as they do on my computer screen. I immediately recognized some of my favorite reads, but it was as though toys had come to life. I just stared as what I knew as a static photograph was walking around. I wanted to interact with them, but had difficulty knowing how to initiate conversation because gushing about their blog seemed so cliché.
I realize it sounds like heroine worship, and in a way it is. But perhaps by having my own blog I will inoculate myself from it a bit. For “BlogHer II” I will be able to march in knowing that I have a readership, even if it is just my husband. Of course, it is likely that I will still be star-struck by people that I consider celebrity. But perhaps I will have more confidence. After all, one main reason blogging is so wonderful is that anyone can have a voice. And after the conference, I realized that it is my turn.
Technorati: dailyblogher , BlogHer , Bloghercon
Posted by karianna at 10:10 PM | Comments (2)
Why Now?
I have been thinking about having a blog for quite some time. (I used to have an elaborate website all about myself many years ago.) But it wasn’t until the BlogHer conference that the desire absolutely spilled over such that I couldn’t stop composing imaginary posts in my mind, and in some cases, on the computer prior to launch. I knew the conference would be inspiring, but I didn’t realize just how strong a hold it would take on my thoughts.
Things that had been holding me back previously included: Why would anyone want to know my thoughts? What could having a blog do to jeopardize my in-person relationships? Could safety be a factor for me or my children?
But going to BlogHer pointed out one huge reason in favor. I went to the Mommy Blogging session and one of the panelists mentioned how it was nice to realize that you aren’t alone. She mentioned her son smearing poo all over the place. That resonated with me, both generally and specifically. My son had gone through a period where he poo-painted quite frequently. I mentioned this to a couple of my cousins who also have children, hoping for their advice. Both of them had never experienced the behavior my son was doing. I was ashamed. My aunt told my mom that my son could be autistic. It ended up being prophesizing, but I am sure many “normal” kids smear poo too.
During the process of getting help (or not getting help, as the case may be) for my son’s various behaviors, I have desperately wanted a forum. I’ve wanted to just vent about how messed up “the system” is and how frustrating it is to have the quirky kid. But I don’t want to talk the ear off of my “in person” friends. And I don’t want to complain so much to my family that I am no fun anymore. (Most importantly, I don’t want my son to hear me complaining about him!) Perhaps by posting some of the things that happen to us in this whole journey, someone else will recognize that they are not alone. And as I search for other resources online, perhaps I will find others going through the same thing.
This blog will not be exclusively about my son. Obviously, he is a large part of what my role is in life at this moment, but I will also explore some of the other facets of my life.
Welcome to karianna!
Posted by karianna at 09:06 PM | Comments (0)